When I’m in a shit mood, I like to listen to christian music to help me cheer up.
I know that I fade in and out of life; out of your life. I can argue that it’s just who I am, however; it can’t change what I hold inside towards you. I remember to appreciate every little thing, regardless of my selfish behavior. Everyone in my life is here because they mean well; I don’t hold onto those who desire to destroy me. I am often a frantic person who destroys herself, with every chance she can get. I don’t mean to, I don’t mean to be so selfish. I love you. I remember those many times you feared to jump straight into the fire, so I gladly did it for you. Yet one day when I fell behind, and forgot to recognize the beauty; you shun straight through my clouds, shinning brighter then before. At that moment I understood your real strength, and I desired to protect it. If I couldn’t obtain it, then I wanted to preserve it in anyway possible. When I decided to keep it safe, I started to feel a whole lot better, knowing that together we could both be happy. I miss it, and I misplaced myself. I don’t quite understand where she has gone, but I know that she’s not dead. You give me the hope I need to see the world with different eyes. Mine are tired, they need redemption, the motivation to try. I don’t want to be angry at myself anymore. I don’t want to be irritated when I hear you say try, because it’s ironic. Evidently, I know your right. I always had a hard time accepting when someone was right. Mainly because I so badly hoped that the hole I was living in, was going to somehow bury itself. I will plant those goddamn daisies right over the hole that I dug. Once I am finished there, I will waltz right on over to the holes in the hearts of many and I shall heal them. It sounds far fetched because I am human; yet I will drag you with me. I should have realized it long ago, that nothing can be done when your alone. I am grateful for all that you have given me, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.